Has the #MeToo movement become nonsensical?
People say the darndest things
They diagnosed me with sleep apnea, a weird condition where I stop breathing for periods of time during the night. The condition can affect my heart, blood pressure and, of course, the quality of my sleep. A CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine is the most common treatment. It’s a contraption the size of a brick that forces humidified air into my lungs through a mask I put on my face. Though it means being cabled to my bed every night, I tried it.
Made of flexible plastic, some masks cover only the nose and some cover both the nose and the mouth. It is common to try multiple masks before finding the perfect fit. My first mask looks like Mr. Potato Head’s nose, only in white. It is so big it slides across my face whenever I turn toward my side and the whoosh of air wakes me up. The second mask looks made to fit inside some enormous giant’s nostrils and pushes the tip of my nose deep into my face, like the way we made pig faces as children. The pressure makes it hard to sleep.
John, (not his real name), is my mask fitter. At every fitting, he contemplates my face for cues on which mask might work. Each time, John asks me if he can touch my hair while he fiddles with the straps. He asks more than once in a 1-minute period — perhaps to give me multiple opportunities to say no or to let everyone in the office know he asks before he touches me. No problem. I always say yes, but by the fourth ask, I’m perplexed.
This week, during mask fitting number three, John leaned in and stated, “You know, we’re about the same age. With all this #MeToo stuff, a female client, our same age, told me I should be careful because soon I may not be able to do my job. I’m so paranoid now. Think about it. If this keeps going, I cannot do my job. Think about it!” He nodded his head like this is the situation we are in and I would understand because of our ages. My words scrambled and then I went blank, the way I get when someone says something offensive, like calling me the N word. All I could stammer was “well… rape,” at which point he changed the subject.
I’ve found my words and I’m responding now.
John and his foolish client think #MeToo is only a millennial movement. It’s not. During the height of the movement, women from every generation came forward with, “Yeah, he pulled out his penis with me, too; He raped me, too; I didn’t get the promotion because I wouldn’t sleep with him, too.” Some men also offered their stories of sexual harassment. There are variations on this theme, but I have yet to hear, “the CPAP guy touched my hair, too.” Does what scares you make sense to you or are you being obtuse? Let me clarify: As long as you don’t take out your penis or rape me, or as a requisite to getting my mask, you should be fine. When you compare rape to hair touching, it erodes each victim’s story. Or is that the outcome you want? You must think the people who came forward are hysterical or overreacting. Maybe the men accused were trying to do their jobs, just like you? #MeToo includes the 368 teenage gymnasts Larry Nassar molested; the 60 women Bill Cosby raped; the 80 women Harvey Weinstein assaulted and the over 80 girls Jeffrey Epstein abused. Sexual assault is a rite of passage for 1 in 6 girls, many of whom become adult rape victims. #MeToo includes 81% of American women who endure harassment at work, often on a daily basis. Do you deny these statistics or are you more comfortable when women remain quiet?
That’s what I would say to John and that woman, but I don’t think it would change their minds. John and people like him took off their thinking caps long ago.
At least I got it off of my chest.
